f r a g i l e
by messenger bird
Summary: I feel breakable without you, like I’m made of the most fragile glass. [tifa x aeris]


disclaimer: i don't own any of these characters or this game, which is final fantasy 7. it all belongs to square enix. so...you know the deal.

warning: this contains girlxgirl luuuuurve and a bit of swearing, so if you do not like it, would you please press that back button? last chance. i don't wanna see any reviews similar to "OHEMGEE TEH LYK GHEY GURLZ IT BUUURNZ", okay? if you don't like it, don't read it. -end rant-

..anyway.

(edited)

* * *

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if she were still here.

Memories, _our_ memories, they fill my every thought. I miss her so much…does she miss me, wherever she is?

If I concentrate hard enough, I can still feel the warmth from our last embrace, the last hug she gave me, the last words she whispered to me before she disappeared to fade ringing in my ears. The image of her sprawled across my bed one night a few days before our final farewell is a frequent memory as well, her radiant eyes closed in sleep, dreaming perhaps of better days while I sit up and watch her slumber. Dreaming of days where she would not die in less than a week, perhaps. Her beautiful chestnut hair was splayed across my pillow; hair that I _used to love_ loved to stroke. Her slender body was wrapped up in my favorite blanket, one of the few objects I refused to share with anyone else except her.

One thing I realized was that Aeris had that privilege not just over my beloved blanket, but to many other things as well. Like my forlorn heart.

Sure, when I was a kid, I crushed on Cloud. But what else was to be expected? We were best friends; one of us was bound to have a crush on the other. Those small feelings for the blonde that would never grow into anything more disappeared the very first day I laid eyes on Aeris. She was so captivating, with her sleek hair in its trademark braid, coral bow flopping slightly as she walked toward me, pink dress fluttering with the motion of her gait, green eyes warm and timid. Yes, she captured my heart before she even said hello.

She always understood, though. Everything. She was such a good person, seemingly innocent and naïve but understanding and compassionate. She'd smile that gentle smile at me and take my hand when I was exhausted or upset, and silently told me she understood, it was okay. Merely those gestures could make my day all the more better, especially when she'd lean over to press a chaste kiss to my temple and whisper quiet 'I love you's that only I could hear, three words only for me. I was so selfish. I still am, wishing she'd be back here, alive and well, with me instead of elsewhere, watching over us in spirit. God, Aeris, I miss you…I miss you so much. I fell in love with you the very moment I saw you; I might have not realized it at the time, but it's so clear now. Did you know it from the beginning, that we were made for each other?

Our first kiss I'll always remember. Not only because it was an important moment in our relationship, not only because it was my very first kiss, but also because of the way it had happened.

We, AVALANCHE, had just fought a particularly rough battle, remember? You were wounded, I didn't exactly see what happened, but I remember that I was worried. When the fight had ended and the area was littered with the enemies' carcasses and blood, you were nowhere to be found. I very nearly went into hysterics; I searched frantically, finally finding you kneeling near the edge of the bloody scene, away from the rest. You had a painful-looking injury on your forehead, near your hairline, blood caking your messy hair and fresh crimson dripping down the side of your face, darkening the angelic look you always had. Before I had known what I was doing, I'd crouched down, tugged off my fighting gloves with my teeth, and taken that seraphic face between my dirtied, sweaty hands. My chapped lips found yours almost roughly due to the relief that coursed through every fiber of my being; I savored the way your lips molded to mine perfectly in the brief moments before my mind realized just _what_ I was doing. Hastily, I detached my mouth from yours with a small gasp and widened eyes, shocked at myself and afraid of your reaction. Your shining jade eyes were overflowing with emotion; I had no doubt at that moment that you returned my feelings, every single ounce of love, even before you reunited our lips in a sweetly relieved kiss.

I miss you so much. Reminiscing like this…it makes the emptiness in my chest grow, the gap that you left when that bastard, Sephiroth, murdered you. I miss your warm smile, I miss the way your silken hair cascaded through my fingers whenever I'd undo your braid, I miss the evenings we'd watch the sun sink beyond the horizon, ripping fiery gashes in the sky's oceanic flesh and the passionate nights afterwards. I miss the warm, frequent hugs, I miss the soft singsong sound of your angel voice. I miss your pure, loving green eyes, the way they melted my lonely heart the first time I dared stare into their amaranthine depths. I miss you. I miss you _so much._

I don't know why he killed you, love. I don't know how someone could kill an angel like you. I heard the story of your death by eavesdropping on Cloud's conversation with the rest of AVALANCHE on the night you died when he thought I wasn't listening. They knew how much I loved you, how much I'd be torn up when I heard the exact way you were murdered, and I knew too, but I listened anyway. His normally calm voice was distraught, breaking every few syllables. I could hear the gasps and exclamations and muffled sobs from my hiding place, the reactions of my comrades. As for me…I was agonized as Cloud described the scene he had the misfortune to witness with his very eyes, struggling to control my hysterical sobs and the deep agony spreading through my body. I wanted to die, I wanted to run away from the room where the others were discussing your death, but most of all, I wanted to be comforted by you. I wanted to walk in the room and see you laughing at my unnecessary pain-stricken frenzy, consoling and giggling that it was all a mean prank that Cloud played on us all. For a few moments, my stricken brain was trying to convince my paralyzed limbs to move, to carry the rest of my shuddering body to the room AVALANCHE was in because surely, surely Aeris was still alive. She was our healer, after all. She couldn't just die. Not when we needed her. Not when_ I_ needed her. "She was p-praying at t-the altar…S-Sephiroth, he…he.." But I knew it was true, my lover was truly dead. I stuffed my fist into my mouth to try and muffle the sobs that were coming faster now, dizzy from hyperventilating. "…He…he drove his sword into…her heart, while she was praying for Holy." I could see the scenario play in my mind, like some tragic movie. Dimly I tried convincing myself that it was simply a nightmare, but the picture painted in my mind of the silver-haired bastard impaling the only person I had ever truly loved through the chest with some stupid sword stopped my thought processes. I watched my fabricated horrific illusion, watched the other end of the sword appear through the front of Aeris' shirt, blood staining the blade and seeping through her pink dress, the same crimson dripping from the corners of her paled lips, the lips I loved to kiss. I wished I'd been the one to catch my poor fallen angel as her last breath left her, the one that got to see the last love and light fade from her beautiful jade eyes. I hoped Cloud would beat the shit out of the asshole that dared to kill my beloved, because at the moment I didn't think I'd be doing anything. "Her materia..it fell. I held her lifeless body up while Sephiroth mocked me…then he summoned some Jenova incarnation, and I defeated it. Afterwards, I carried Aeris' body to one of the lakes in the capital city of the Cetra, waded in…the blood was everywhere…I…I gave her back to the Planet." At this new picture in my mind, a fresh wave of tears dripped down my face. I could no longer breathe through my nose; my breaths were mixed with small whimpers and the frequent sound of me choking on my spit. My comrades in the other room grew silent, tending to their own overactive imaginations recreating the horrifying scene or merely mourning; suddenly everything was loud, the uneven sound of my whimpers and grief-stricken sobs echoing through my ears and through the pained silence. I didn't even recognize those heartbroken sounds coming from me, didn't know myself in this pain. I had never felt anything so consuming, so emptying. I tried to control the hysterics when I heard shuffling in the other room, when footsteps sounded toward me. "Tifa?" I barely recognized Cloud's voice, reacting to it by curling up in a tight ball, tucking up my legs in a fetal position. "Tifa…I'm sorry." A gloved hand rested on my back, rubbing consolingly when I choked on another sob. I must've blacked out or something, because I woke up in my room; I didn't know exactly when and how I had gotten in my room, but the group had left me alone for the rest of the night and a few days after. It took a while to regain some sort of control, to even vaguely grasp the concept that Aeris was not coming back.

I know they know I'm still grieving, still wishing with every piece of me that you'll return someday soon. I can see it, Aeris, the way everyone looks at me now, like I could fall apart any moment. I can see the unexcused awkward pity in Cloud's Mako-teal eyes. I can see the meaningful looks they exchange when they think I'm not looking. I know they mean the best for me, but it makes me feel helpless when they look at me with pity in their eyes. I feel breakable without you, like I'm made of the most fragile glass.

I'll still fight, perhaps even better than before. I'll still go on for the rest of AVALANCHE, even if I want to die and join you. I can't rip from them another precious fighter, not when you were just murdered.

I remember the last thing you said to me, before you left. Did you know you were going to die when you went to the Forgotten City? You had hugged me one last time, slender arms wrapped around me with your warm body pressed against mine like so many other times. Our lips collided for the last time, a kiss more needy than usual, with eyes squeezed shut and tongues desperately memorizing each others' mouths. All too soon, you pulled away and moved your lips to whisper in my ear, the sweet murmurs of an archangel sending shivers down my spine. "When this is over," you murmured, breath tickling my dark hair, "we'll be together forever, I promise. I promise you forevermore, Tifa. I love you. I love you so much. He will never kill that love."

That was the last time I saw you. It was a heart-shattering goodbye, a beautiful one with your jade eyes glimmering sadly, a soft smile tilting up your lips. That look in your eyes, it hurt me. It hurt me to know that you knew somehow that you had limited time left with me before you departed to the afterlife or wherever it is we go when we disappear from this world. I could care less where I will go when I die, as long as you are there to take my hand and lead me on.

I raise my crimson eyes to the indigo sky, watching the sleepy stars blinking lazily through the ocean of deep ink-blue. A gentle wind was blowing from the direction I faced, my dark hair fluttering in the quiet breeze. The zephyr wrapped around me, whispered, "Tifa…"

I know you're watching over me, waiting patiently in whatever limbo you're in, waiting for me to finally join you. A faint smile tugs at my chapped lips as the zephyr turned into ghost of your warm embrace, phantom arms wrapping around my waist from behind and quelling the loneliness that expanded gradually in my chest every day I'm without you. "Forevermore," I whispered, echoing your last words, my voice cracking and barely audible through my quiet tears as I kiss your ghost farewell. "Wait just a while longer, please, Aeris."

"I promise forever, forever and always."

The ghost smiled sadly, drifted away. I was left alone once more, promising eternity and eternally saying goodbye with every tear that traced down my cheek, with every year that will come to pass, with every sob that wracked my body.

Forevermore.

_But it's all for you, Aeris, all for you. I'll keep bleeding for you._

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End file.
